Nigel TJK

Its been so long

2010-04-05T02:28:00.002+08:00

Its been so long since i last blog.. Lots o things recently and it finally has come to The-End.. No more worries and Sad thing is that we we are no longer we used to be in the past): Stop talking about the past but the present..

As usual life goes on went club almost everyday and special things is that i have taken over my Dad's business... Hopes every things will go smoothly for me(:

Let it go..

2009-11-26T14:40:00.003+08:00

Teach me how? Show me how to do this?

Just because i feel perfectly fine at one minute doesn't mean i can't fall apart at the next minute.
Just because i look like i'm doing better doesn't mean i feel any better. I'm getting better at dealing with it and better at hiding it, but you know, deep down it still hurts the same or maybe worse. I don't want people to make excuses for me because i'm depressed, but it would be nice for that someone to recognize how hard it is for me to function day to day.

Tired of the computer.
Tired of people.
Tired of the games they play.
Tired of emotions.
Just plain tired, physically and emotionally.
My heart is tired as well.
Sigh..

I have to do this.

2009-11-24T05:32:00.013+08:00

姐姐 and i pampered ourselves with a new cellphone, Nokia E72.
We got the same model, the same colour. Haha.

姐姐, Tailou and me experiencing the Fish Spa at Farm Mart.

This retriever is very well trained, loyal and obedient to his owner.

姐姐 and meeeeeeeeee.

You're my history, you're my yesterday, you're my past.
I must get over you.

Many things changed drastically. I know how contradicting life can be, i know how sad it can be to become from lovers to friends, i know how hard it can be to stand up from a fall. I really do. Just as i really thought that my mind could control everything, 姐姐 said to me "You can't stop your heart from beating". Yes, i admit i couldn't. But everything takes time. I do miss you dearly at times. I miss everything that we had, everything that we've been through. Are you feeling how i'm feeling, are you thinking what i'm thinking?

This is not the way i should be getting on, anymore. I must never let the things i can't have or don't have, spoil my enjoyment of the things i do have and can have. I've got to move on, i need to find my direction and i must not lose my way.

Sometimes, the strong self you see inside me is of false pretense. It's sometimes a fake shell. I am weak within, loud brags are just a way to cheat myself that i'm still good.

The reason why it hurts so much to separate is because our souls are connected.

Who is he?

2009-11-13T00:46:00.004+08:00

He's a mixed.
He's four years old.
He's mischievous.
He's disturbing.
He's irritating but cute.
He's funloving.
He's playful.

Last but not least,
He's my cousin :)

If only..

2009-11-12T01:43:00.011+08:00

12th November 2008- You left us, all behind.

121109, today marks the day of your first death anniversary.

亲爱的阿公,
你知道吗? 我好想好想你.

Life is blooooody hell UNFAIR.

Why do people have to die?
Why do people have to undergo this process?
Why do people just went off like this without a word?
I always wonder, a hundred thousand 'whys'.

He passed away peacefully, with no injuries or scars. You know, it's really heart wrecking to witness and face the facts, it has never been easy for me. Everyone knows, he dote me most. He provides me with his best and give me whatever i yearn for. His unconditional love for me, his care and concern showered on me. Every little thing he does, it will all be kept as the sweetest memories, ever.

Death entry in our life is such a shattering and unwelcome event. The feelings of pain and loss are terrible. Yet, death is unavoidable and it's part of the cycle in life. Losing a family member is so much of the pain. Loved ones are left with so many unanswered questions.

I'm the eldest grandson in the family. Therefore i know, no matter what, i've got to stand strong. I must find ways to grieve. For without grief, there can be no comfort. Often, we must force ourselves to reach into our subconscious to uncover our true feelings. Only when we have allowed ourselves to feel all the pain, then we can begin to face our loss, and slowly begin to heal.

Sometimes , i sit down at a corner of the house, or even a place that had left trace of people who have left this world. I could feel that human beings are so feeble, so fragile, so weak. One moment, they can be laughing running and sleeping, doing things they like and enjoy. The next moment, they seem like they are sleeping too, but for long.

In 3 words, i can sum up everything i've learnt about life... It goes on. (No matter what) Everything is predestined. Everyone will leave this place sooner or later. It's only a matter of time.

Beloved Grandpa,
I will definitely miss him dearly and you'll always live clear in my heart. This one year, without your presence, i finally felt the lonesome within. The house was quieten down and laughter was reduced. It's not the same anymore. If God would grant me a wish, i wish for you to be back by my side once again. Will you?

Sigh.. If only, if only.. Someone can bring him alive. If only..

当人在世不懂珍惜；走了思念又有何用？

2009-11-11T04:56:00.004+08:00

Today is a sunny day, but the cheery weather sadly does not coincide with the dark clouds in my heart.. Tomorrow early morning before the sun rise up i will be up and running busy with preparation for the anniversary of my late grandfather.. Hopefully i shall be so busy that i wouldnt have time to be sad.. Ha..

Now before i have something to occupy my mind , my thoughts are running wild.. I cannot help but recall fond memories of my dear 公公.. He used to fetch me to and fro from school.. All those times , i am ashamed to say that i was slightly embarrassed by the old man beside me carrying my bag.. Now that i have grown up i realised that those little gestures from 公公 were actually signs of his love for me..

We humans are like that. We will only treasure what we have lost.

Ha..

Peakturesssssss.

2009-11-10T01:57:00.014+08:00

干妈.

我我我.

姐姐.

Blood Brothers.

小兔, 小牛, 小羊.

亲爱的爸爸 & 妈妈.

091109

2009-11-09T04:00:00.002+08:00

Hong & co came over to my house to fetch me to Boon Lay Market for supper. Did not went other place but only out for supper. Did not went out cos i am feeling terrible today. I am DRUNK again last night. When i wake up in the evening i was feeling so uneasy. My head kept spin & spin and kept drinking lots & lots of water. Unhappy things happen again in the Dinner last night. My house now is full of joy. Cos my beloved aunt and her son is back from ITALY. She will be back only on the 22Nov. Once again i will be attending dinner tonight again. Tried. Going off to sleep again. Goodnight everyone

Kick off the bad habits.

2009-11-03T02:52:00.014+08:00

I wish 弟弟 to...

1.) Return home early everyday.
2.) Be guaiguai and listen to 姐姐, Mummy & Daddy.
3.) Open his heart big big and cannot small gas in future.
4.) Quit smoking and quit drinking.
5.) Avoid uttering vulgarities.
6.) Be filial to his senior and elderly.
7.) Go back on books, study.
8.) Look for a stable job and commit to it.
9.) Stop doing any investment.
10.) Learn how to saveeeeeeee money!!!!!

Hehehehe, that's all! FULLSTOP.

Let's see how many out of the 10 can 弟弟 fulfill :)

Last but not least, 姐姐 wished to say..
I NEVER CHANGE!!!

Always in the heart.

2009-11-02T04:42:00.000+08:00

Everyone, please say and greet HELLOOOOOOOO!!!

To my beloved handsome 弟弟 :)

Forgiveness.

2009-11-01T02:29:00.000+08:00

It's so hard to forgive people when they hurt us. It's so hard to forgive stab-in-the-backs, lies, words that slap our faces. It's all hard to forgive. More often than not, we want to hurt these people, right at the core of where they've hurt us - Our hearts.

But i've come to realize that hurting them doesn't make us better people, it doesn't make us happier people. Why let anger take over our hearts? We know how hurt these people have made us feel and it's precisely for this reason that we shouldn’t hurt them back.

So we should all let go of the anger in your hearts and open your hearts to forgive. It's only when we forgive, then we'll experience happiness once again. Because forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

"A heart filled with anger has no room for love."

I'am glad that 弟弟 has slowly mastered this point and understand the meaning behind it :)

Moody.......

2009-10-31T01:34:00.001+08:00

Finally i am back home early tonight. As usual went down to Teck Whye. After chit-chatting, we went down to Town for supper. Did not have much things to post about today. I am moody and i am going to sleep now. Shall post again some other day.

Goodnight Everyone!

24-11-2008

2009-10-30T08:23:00.003+08:00

Is about 1year grandfather has leave us. Grandmum was just saying to me in the morning that grandfather 对年 is on the 14nov. Really miss thoese times that you are with us. Remeber that you always drive me to school and others places i want to go.And you will always nag & nag at me that not to gamble and be a good boy and listen to the elder people beside you. They have no harm for you but just want you to be a better person in the future of your life. Wondering where is my GRANDFATHER doing now. Are you fine? I am sure you can see us but we can't see you. Without you around in the family there is no laughter & jokes we used to be last time. If you still have a chance to come back to this world will MY GRANDFATHER willing come back. The whole family really miss you & your nagging lesson. Treasure your loves ones as much as you can now. Cherish the times you people can spent together. Don't wait till that your loves ones has gone then you people regart. Trust me you people.
Goodbye My Dearest Grandfather.

Nightmare.

2009-10-27T17:49:00.002+08:00

Finally the celebration has ended. it last for 10days & and i did not manage to have a good sleep for 10 days too. Were so busy busy during these 10days. Shag & Tried. Temple celebration makes me busy and time pass fast. And yet it has ended and i guess the nightmare is going to start again): I really hate it hope everything will soon be forget. going off to temple to have dinner. going to have lots of nice dishes.hahas:) after that we heading at Ratchada Thai disco.
Thats all for todays. byebye

Be forgiving.

2009-10-24T16:11:00.005+08:00

弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!
弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!
弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!
弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!
弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!

Widen your heart.

2009-10-23T02:31:00.007+08:00

Screen shots of 弟弟 and I webcam-ing with his 干妈.

Wendy, 弟弟's 干妈 like a sexy only! HAHA.

Went down temple to look for 弟弟 just now. Spent the whole night with him there, reached home only at 4am when dawn breaks. Great time spent together. Butbut, 弟弟 kept saying and shooting me with tomorrow temple's yewkeng event. As i've my own sintua to attend to, hence i wasn't able to make it there. And later on, he was being so sarcastic. Rahhhhhh, 弟弟 you must try to be understanding what!

DON'T ANGRY JIEJIE LUH, OKAY OKAY OKAY?

We once agreed before right? No matter what circumstances, we cannot abit abit small gas or be annoyed with each other one right? So now must OPEN YOUR HEAR BIGBIG!

弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!
弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!
弟弟, 不要生气姐姐了啦!!!!!

MISSING 阿BING

2009-10-22T05:46:00.002+08:00

I am in the temple again the times now hits 5.47AM. Guess everyone is sleeping soundly now and yet NIGEL TJK is still awake. Thanks to My Beloved 姐姐 helping me to update my blogs. Thanks to her:) I promise you to tell daddy to buy you a FIGHTER JET for u. How sweet your BROTHER is? 阿BING CAN YOU BE BACK SOON... PLEASE I REALLY MISSS U LIKE HELL AS WHAT 姐姐 HAS MENTIONED IN MY PREVIOUS POST. COME BACK SOON BROTHER........

Unbreakable bond.

2009-10-22T03:45:00.009+08:00

Good morning Earthlings, it reads 3.45am now.
It's dawn break, and here i am, still not asleep. Goshhhh!

I'am just too bored in the middle of the night. Hence i hacked into 弟弟's blogger account again. First and foremost, i'am gonna post our webcam pictures we took earlier on when we conversed.

My drawing. Niceeeeeeeee?

弟弟 and AhHong's half face.

Ah Hong's drawing. Look like some retarded pig out of nowhere =.=

Look at my pig compared to his, isn't it so much better? Like obviously.

Tadahhhhh, 弟弟's drawing also not bad uh. Thumbs up!!!

You see, he complained. Because i always nag, nonstop hits.

Alrighty, enough of those webcam pictures.
Let me show you some actual and appropriate ones.

This is 弟弟's super sehhhhhhhh and cuteeeeee face. Couldn't resist.

I bet 弟弟 misses him truckloaddddds. Tai Lou, faster come back okay :)

NTJK says:
JIEJIE what things u want. DIDI buy for u.

JKZL says:
I don't want anything, i want didi to be good and to be happy.

NTJK says:
DIDI will buy a aeroplane for JIEJIE cos JIEJIE mentioned before she wants a aeroplane to go around the world. Hahas, sweet yeah?

JKZL says:
I want a fighter jet. I wanna travel around the world.

NTJK says:
I ask daddy buy for u.

JKZL says:
Don't want don't want

NTJK says:
Now daddy only own a cruise and a casino but no aeroplane for jiejie.

The conversation goes on and on and on..
Guess what, 弟弟 changed his msn personal message to,
"姐姐 Wants a Fighter Jet To Travel Around The World." Haha.

弟弟万岁!!!
妈咪万岁!!!
爸爸万岁!!!

大家晚安 :):):)

With love,
Joanna 姐姐 ♥♥♥

Promises are meant to be kept.

2009-10-21T12:50:00.003+08:00

Hello Earthlings!
Guess what, i hack into 弟弟's blogger. How cool yeah.
So here's a short and sweet post for him :)

Same ring, same design, same finger.

姐弟情.

These rings 代表我们的姐弟情! It symbolizes our bond.

因为我最疼的就是弟弟 :):):)

With love,
JoannaKZL 姐姐.

2009-10-21T02:54:00.000+08:00

Me and 姐姐 using lappy to take photo

Sleepy.....

Now i am in TEMPLE again. Using my lappy. Don't intend to go back tonight again.

Did not have a good sleep for a coupleof days. Going to collapse soon. I guess? As usual things went smoothly nothing went haywire. HAHAS. Right now i am talking on the phone with 阿BING. He is away at LONDON for about 1Month. When he is aroung in SINGAPORE he will always drive me & 姐姐 here & there(: Without him around with us. our times suddenly gone slow......

GOODNIGHT EVERYONE(:

Boring

2009-10-20T03:43:00.000+08:00

Currently i am at temple using laptop. Boring

Things went smoothly today nothing went wrong. The time now is 3.54AM. Did not plan to go home. But staying at temple. Nothing much to post for today.

姐姐 is sick Drink more water & rest well.
Goodnight Everyone(:

2009-10-19T02:51:00.000+08:00

I am finally back home early today:)

Did not went to others places these few days but only TEMPLE. Today is the start of the 九皇大帝-大日子- Nothing much to post today. Because i am really tried....
I MISS 姐姐 LOTS:)

......

2009-10-17T04:33:00.000+08:00

Beloved 姐姐 of mine:)

Same Ring & size:)

My Bloved 干妈 of mine again, hahas:) who bring to club always

Nigel TJK owns a Blog now. This my 1st post for today.

Nothing much happen today. As usual went down to temple for preparation for tomorrow event which last for 10 days till 26oct. Going to have a hard day:(

Don't intend to sleep tonight and the time now is 4.36AM. And friend going to come fetch me to temple for the event at 7.00AM. Scared that i will go overslept. Now in mind i am missing a person which is Bing he is a london right now. Hope that he will be back soon. without him driving me around times are really going slow all days:)

Thats all for todays. post again soon:)